ADD and Me

(Stream of Conscious)
In case you guys didn't know, or couldn't tell, I have ADD. Or at least that's what I've been told.

I'm scatter-brained and it's hard for me to concentrate on things I don't like (school for the most part, there are exceptions). However, apparently I'm of above-average intelligence, my teachers when I was young never thought so though.When I was in first grade my teacher told my mom she "just didn't get me". What the hell does that mean? I guess I was loud and obnoxious, but I WAS 6, what 6-year old isn't? Anyways, I was diagnosed with ADD and prescribed Adderall.

While this might have helped my with my attention-deficit, it had a ton of side-effects. It stunted my growth because not only is it a diet-suppressor, but also the equivalent of 6 Red Bulls. I was eating 1200 calories and sleeping between 3 and 6 hours a day. Not a great thing for a growing boy.

Next was Concerta. I took it only for a week, the worst week. Have you ever stayed up for a week straight? It was hell. And then that's when I went on Focalin.    

Focalin is the medication I'm currently prescribed to. It lasts for about 8 hours, I get to eat a full diet and get to sleep on time, all while paying attention in school. Sounds good on paper. But there was something... wrong. When I take my medication I have a feeling of emotional... emptiness for lack of a better term, like something is missing, an unattainable goal. My friends could see the unhappiness in my eyes. I hate it, and because of this feeling I barely take my meds (shhhhh, don't tell mom). I don't feel that good grades are worth misery.

Recently I've come to the conclusion I've been falsely diagnosed. Medication should only help not hinder, or at least that's what a doctor once told me.

I don't blame my parents, they only did what they thought was best for me, I blame a system where doctors over medicate. I blame a system where schools are used to create intellectual clones with no variety, entirely wired to the left brain. I blame a system where when I don't find math interesting and all I want to do is write or take photos, I'm called a bad student.

What I really want to see (it won't happen...) is to have more schools like Chrysalis, where education uses a student's strengths to help work on their weaknesses. I've heard the most touching and powerful stories of students who were given no chance in public schooling, but then when they attend Chrysalis they suddenly love school.

In my opinion we don't need more medication, we need better schooling. We need a system that allows kids to pursue their passions. But then again, what do I know, I have ADD.

-Schleg